AKWARD DAUGHTER DAD MEETING AT 25 YEARS.

AWKWARD DAUGHTER DAD FIRST MEETING AT 25" YEARS 

The first memory I have of the statement "my Dad" was in Primary 3 when each of us was supposed to say what our father did for a living. I did not know what to say; I knew I had a Dad somewhere but many details.

I went home, fired up to find out what happened to my Dad. My mum lovingly and patiently explained that my dad worked in the capital city and he will come to see us if he wants. 

I didn't pursue further; after all, it didn't seem very comfortable to discuss this topic. 

For some strange reasons, it was vital that he was not dead. 

My mum always explained very shallowly about our relationship with our dad and spared us terminologies like Divorce, separation, and so forth. She kept telling us that the most important thing was that we had a Dad who was alive. She made us adopt his name with no apologies. The name still follows me up to now, lol. 

 She always said that their misunderstanding with Dad should not affect us. "Our stories should not affect your stories," she said. The truth is having that "Mwaura" name reduced many questions for me growing up.   She also made us know very well that Dad loved us. It was only that they have a complicated story, that's why he couldn't come. What was love, I wondered? Where was he? Why does he have to love remotely?  

 As I grew up, I came to understand that they had a divorce a few months after I was born, and what was happening was that I was being raised up by a single Mum, Period!! Well, in the 1980s, this wasn't your usual cup of tea. 

 

 Fatherless teenager. 

 Teenage life was a very defining moment for me. I grumbled and wished I had a father every day of my life. However, my mum met all my needs, and she could afford to offer us a reasonable life. I, therefore, knew I was missing him, not for material but immaterial things. I wondered why he left when I was few months old and had not bothered to check on me. 

Few people unknowingly made a great impact in my life then.  

Memories of my one uncle (Sammy) puts a smile on my face.  He extended lots of love to me in defining ways. He visited every Sunday and helped mum with lots of logistics. I appreciated every tickle and joke he made with me.  He was the first man that I heard say, "I was beautiful."   Rip Uncle Sammy. 

 Another uncle (Tom) made an effort to show some love to us. I remember him picking me up with my cousins from school and taking us out for Nyama Choma (roasted meat). This was my first outing ever.  He hugged me in a way that left me thinking hard about my dad but was appreciated.  Rip Uncle Tom. 

But such good people leave soo soon. 

I suffered rejection during my teenage stage. But who is like God? He reached out during that season. 

In my deepest pit, God reached out to me, and his infinitely unchanging kindness and goodness embraced me, and I was wrapped right in there. 

God brought my way  Pst. Simba(Daddie) boldly invited me on a journey with my heavenly dad.  He was instrumental to my growth, both spiritual and dealing with the everyday struggles of not having a Dad. He allowed me to call him Dad. He and his wife opened their hearts and home for me. I still call him Dad, and my whole house understands. 

God, who is my heavenly father, placed people to help me during my early years, and Today I celebrate them. It was essential to have a father figure in life, and I am glad to experience different people playing that role. 

 

Meeting Mr. Mwaura AT 25 Years. 

My older brother had been investigating the whereabouts of Dad. Finally, one season he got a job near a place we heard a rumor that my dad resides. So my brother embarked on a six months journey of looking for Mr. Mwaura. Finally, after a long struggle, he found his home and met him later that month. 

He always mentioned that Mr.Mwaura was eager to meet his last-born only daughter. Never mind that he had another family and had a daughter one year younger than me and named her my exact names. My thinking was, "I was replaced," that's why he never missed me! 

One morning my brother called and said that Dad says we should meet, hahaha. I was sure I wasn't willing to meet him for various reasons, one being that I didn't know what we would talk about, but also, I wondered why he would be ready to meet me now finally.

That was an awkward meeting, guys.  I honestly just stared at him and did not know what to do and how to behave. How was I supposed to respond to a man who fathered me and met me at 25 years? Oops!!

I watched him do the talking about their dysfunctional marriage, a story that my mum had kept secret and spared us from, and I was deeply hurt. He hurt my feelings by speaking against mum and supposedly wanting to turn me away from her.

 He was defending himself from nothing because Mum had not told us anything.

 In response to my silence, she wondered if I would appreciate him gifting me with a piece of land. Well, that was not the reason I came!! 

That day was a dark day for me; I did not know how bitter I was until we met, and after meeting him, my journal was full of his name, and I was struggling with bitterness, unforgiveness, and hatred.  God has helped me lift this burden off my shoulders and allowed me to forgive him though he didn't ask for it. After my healing process, I met him and extended my hand of forgiveness (which he didn't ask for). Since I have been forgiven, I understood that I could Forgive. After all, it helps me, not him, so it's ok. 

Dad is a human being but still created in the image of God and I am sure he is a father to many others in this world so wherever he is celebrated I join in celebrating him. 

Today I look back and see the impact all this has had on my family as a whole. I surely empathize with single mums (like my mum) and can, in a tiny way, identify with what it might look like because I have seen how important it has been to have a father in my children's lives. The beauty is that there is evidence of God's redemption in ways He provides people who can love children who are not theirs. Thanks to my uncles and the men that have extended their hand to me. 

  

I have many lessons from how my mum treated this story and my dad's response, and I will share that on my silver birthday. I also have lots of lessons about my 2 uncles and Daddie, who extended love to me. 

Today I am a testimony of God's goodness. God is good, tenderhearted, and is not impersonal. He is very personal in the way He meets us and loves us. He has always reached out in very personal ways.

 HE IS A GOOD GOOD FATHER. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his dwelling. He surely sustains the fatherless. 

God bless you, Gillian.