Who is with you Behind the boat? When its mid life is it Crisis time?

Does life really begin at 40? 

If So, what does one do in their first 39 years? 

Are they just rehearsing? 

What about the midlife crisis? 

Does it exist, and if it does, is it only for women, just men, and at what exact age does it happen?

Now that it is only a few days before I turn 40 years old, join me as I reflect more on it.

Elliott Jacques, who introduced the term mid-life crisis, defines it as to "pause from actively pursuing one's goals and review their achievements, take stock of what they have and have not yet accomplished, at times taking drastic measures to fulfill their dreams."

He further argues that critical phases characterize the change of point periods of rapid transitions in individuals' development. What is wrong with pausing, I wonder?

My Crisis: behind the boat with storms. 

At around 35years, a transition begins to happen to individuals termed as a midlife crisis. He admits that the time will vary, though, among individuals. The crisis, most psychologists argue, lasts up to 60 years of age.

For women, it is the proximity of the onset of changes connected with menopause, while for men, its "male climacteric" reduces the intensity of sexual behavior.

Is the crisis genuine?  

Considering the fallen human nature, there should be space to struggle with regrets, failings, and disappointments. Those feelings seem to climax with aging, and as our mortality becomes more apparent, we realize time is against us, and our past failures seem permanent. Aware of how critical we can sometimes get about negative emotions, we should have processing space. These negative emotions sometimes cause a disequilibrium/ discomfort that pushes us to make meaning of our experiences. Midlife seems to be a catalyst for assessing people's life goals and objectives.  The difference is what shape we are in as we approach the crisis.

While I have lived under the sun, I have observed that we naturally tend not to be content with what we have, so we have some "lust of life." We are always looking for more, and the more we have, the more we want more or the next level.

 When we achieve/ attain what we have "lusted." for, we get some "pride of life" because we feel we have made it.

 One thinks of Ecclesiastes 2:10-11, "Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; Nothing was gained under the sun." Solomon reminds us of how life's pleasures can be so brief.

Paul identifies with us in Philippians 4:12-13 "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

Paul also admonishes Timothy in 1^st Timothy 6:6-7 "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it".

Midlife crisis sometimes manifests as spiritual warfare. The enemy tests whether our identity is in the right place. What defines who we are? Is it anything we own (material possession or have attained; positions and titles)? Or does our insufficiency, ineloquence define us?

My identity has been significantly tested in the last few years. And as I have approached midlife, I have experienced this storm and am seated right behind the boat with Jesus as He helps me shape whom I am becoming.

Gillian's Crisis

There are areas in my life where; I have had outstanding contributions to make, and I discovered these make me feel "great." They bring a sense of intellectual strength that I take pride in (married, founder of a mission agency, mum of two, consultant, director, Ph.D. student, name it)!

 On the other hand, I started noticing despair moments of inferiority arising from areas that I need to improve or when challenged to undertake unfamiliar tasks leading to—the feeling of insufficiency.

To be sincere in both, I am absorbed with chasing some sense of value in me and defining my identity.

I started to lose sight of who I am and was tempted to get absorbed in myself. I forgot that neither my pride nor my achievements and deficiencies define me.

These situation described above fits into the definition of a midlife crisis. The only exception is that Christ is with me in defining whom I am becoming. My experiences are redeemable and are a learning point, and I can trust that God is at work in my life, making me Christlike.  God can use what I am becoming.

I continue to be real in my relationship with the one who defines my identity, and that way, I am not living two lives but one whole life. I am very aware that I have areas of growth that should not be hidden but laid out openly before the Lord and those around me. Through the community I have, I trust God will keep growing me. (Thank you for being part of my community even as you read this).

I am a child of God.  

God defines me as His beloved one, who is cherished, and; I can confidently step out aware that it's not by my strength but His.

I can bring my shame, insufficiency, pride, comparison, deficiencies, and inadequacies to Him, my Lord. My gaze fixed only on Him, who is my all-sufficiency one. I have heard God ask me several times, "Am I sufficient for you, Gillian?". I have found myself able to trust God with my achievements and inadequacies because they don't define who I am. It is enough to be a child of God.

I know that I will not be tested beyond what I am able, but I also have the great shepherd who equips me with everything good to do his will. May he make all grace abound to me that, having all sufficiency in all things, at all times, I may abound in every good work. May he sustain me through my midlife and nourish me to the end. He who called me is faithful, and he will do it.

Indeed, Lord, you are my partner in my midlife crisis. I want to lean in and let go of any grip that I could be holding right now and abide in Christ and trust that He is with me in the midst of the pruning process. 

Advice for Millenials approaching midlife

·       Every stage of life is ordained by God and is part of his excellent plan. Don't be ashamed of your age (despite losing hair and looking different).

·       God knows your past and can use you for his glory despite your past sins and failures. Forget what is behind you and strain toward what is ahead.

·       When sicknesses hit because of aging, see a medical doctor and take care of yourself (diet, exercise, etc.)  and trust God for healing and wholeness.

·       Even If it's tough, persevere through to become mature in Christ.

·       Jonathan Rauch, at old age, said that "actually old age is pretty good." Let us get there gladly!

This stage is simply another step and can be embraced with perspective, wisdom and we can take the new opportunities that come with growing older. 

Bonus 

Marking my entry into the 4^th floor In style.

For my 40^th birthday, I am raising support to complete part of the Shalom Namutere Community project)- a community health center in Busia, Uganda. I hope to complete the (aluminum work) of the project. There will be a maternity unit to provide improved maternal care for a community of about 9,000 people. Pregnant women in this community usually have to walk for at least 10 kilometers, increasing the risk of maternal mortality, which breaks my heart.   

My target budget is USD 10,000

 You are invited to participate in this venture as  I stop, pause and look back and see what the Lord has done. I am glad he is in the boat. That makes a real difference.