MEETING MY DAD AFTER 25 YEARS

I was born 33 years ago, and as I grew up, I did not remember seeing a man or father at home, and I grew up knowing that my Dad worked far but he exists.

I needed to know that he wasn’t dead actually, he existed.

My mum always explained and spared us terminologies like Divorce, and so she always said that our Dad was working far and it wasn’t clear if we should wait for him or not. The truth was that he was actually working for, but he was never going to come. As I grew up, I understood that they had separated from my Dad, and she had moved to another town. 

She kept telling us that we had a dad, and he would tell us his name and that we should not behave like we don’t have a dad. She always said that their misunderstanding with  Dad should not affect us. ''Our stories should not affect your stories,''  she said.

She also made us use our Dads name in all our documents and school work and that reduced the questions from school teachers, Sunday school and other students wanting to know if we had a Dad.

She also made us know very well that Dad loved us. It’s only that they have a complicated story that’s why he couldn’t come.

But where was HE? I was sure he did not love me because he would visit or buy me a gift on my birthday if he did. 

 FATHERLESS TEENAGER

 Teenage life was a  very defining moment for me; I grumbled and wished I had a father every day of my life. Materially I was well catered for, and mum could afford a very comfortable life for us, and I didn’t miss Dad for provision sake. I grew up knowing it's possible to survive without a man, but I did not know it was more than my Dad providing school fees.

 One day, while I was in primary boarding school, my uncle came and picked me and took me out for Nyama Choma (roasted meat), and I will never forget that day in my life. That worked in two ways. One was that I wished I had a Dad, and second is that this made me aware that I missed fatherly love. I was surely affected by this, but I battled with that; God reached out to me in a very loving and special way.

He came into my life when I needed him, and He played a huge role in my life. God has actually been my father, and as I have been in the kingdom, I have experienced a lot of love from father figures that God gave me.

I think it’s important to actually have a father figure in life. I am glad I got a chance to experience a father’s love from spiritual fathers who opened their families to experience a father figure. And even learned how to live with a man.

MEETING DAD AT 25 YEARS

My older brother had just graduated  and was posted to work in an area where we had always heard our dad came from. My brother was very keen on pursuing my Dad and apparently, he met him, and after a long while, my brother kept telling me stories of our dad and that he longed to meet me. I continued to pursue my studies, and after completing, I got involved in student movements which recruited me as a Christian student worker, and I was posted away from home, and as I continued with my service, my brother called and said that dad says we should meet, haha I was sure I wasn’t willing to meet him for various reasons, one being that I didn’t know what we would talk about, but also I wondered why he would be willing to meet me now finally.

Well, I had a team leader who encouraged me to go, and I went and my experience was awkward.

After meeting him, I truly just stared at him, and he surely missed it by asking me if I need land or to study overseas, and  I truly thought I had all I had needed materially but I needed him for more than that. He had missed it, and I told him few words among them being, “what you are asking me is not what I need, and my mum has provided all that, so NO, I am ok.”

That day was a dark day for me. I did not know how bitter I was until ii met him, and after meeting him, my journal was full of his name, and I was struggling with the bitterness. By then, I was leaving for Norway, and even as I left I was bitter, and all throughout my one-year commitment in Norway, I was struggling.

After I came back, God helped me know I needed to allow God to lift this burden off my shoulders. And it's him who can do it, and when he does it, he does it very well.

I met him later, and I told him I wanted to let him know that I was hurting, and I wanted to say I have forgiven him for all the things I thought he had done wrong for me. And since I was about to get married, I asked him for his blessings, and he blessed me.

I have come to appreciate God for who he has been to me “A FATHER.” who is caring, loving, kind, etc., there is healing in Jesus.

 I have learned a lot from God during this possible, especially the attributes of God to me. 

 My Mum has been a powerful woman for me but what stands out was her attitude towards this man. She kept saying all good things about Dad, and to be sincere, this touches me deeply. 

Thanks, Mummy, for raising me up and taking up the challenge.